(This archived content from a previous blog is being added for posterity, 25Jan2011. Ed.)

This topic came up recently. It started innocently enough when someone plucked a CD from my monstrous rack of CD’s which contained the modern renditions of various pirate limericks and sea chantey’s. At the time, we were all preparing to go out for my wife’s birthday, so it wasn’t convenient to put the CD in and give it a whirl. Still, I hated the fact that I couldn’t share the vulgar lyrics of one of my favorites straight away.

My personal favorite, having been a dirty old sea dog in a former life, (not to mention one in my alternate life every year at Renaissance Faire), goes by the title, “Good Ship Venus”. Transcribed below are the lyrics as sung in the version I have by <a href=”http://www.last.fm/music/Loudon+Wainwright+III/_/Good+Ship+Venus”>Louden Wainwirght III</a> on the CD <a href=”http://www.amazon.com/Rogues-Gallery-Pirate-Ballads-Chanteys/dp/B000GGSMD0/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-1590560-5319866?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1179090288&sr=1-1″>Rogue’s Gallery</a>.

<em>’Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us;
The figurehead
Was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man’s penis.

The captain’s name was Lugger.
By Christ he was a bugger.
He wasn’t fit
To shovel shit
From one ship to another.

The second mate was Andy,
By Christ he had a dandy,
Till they crushed his cock
On a jagged rock
For coming in the brandy.

The third mate’s name was Morgan,
By god he was a gorgon,
From half past eight
he played till late,
Upon the captain’s organ.

The captain’s wife was Mabel,
And by God was she able
To give the crew
Their daily screw
Upon the galley table.

The captain’s daughter Charlotte,
Was born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night
were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.

The cabin boy was Kipper,
By Christ he was a nipper.
He stuffed his ass
with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain’s lovely daughter
Liked swimming in the water.
Delighted squeals
Came when some eels
Found her sexual quarters.

The cook his name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He fed the crew
On menstrual stew
And hymens fried in semen.

The ship’s dog’s was called Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground
that faithful hound
From Tenerife to Dover.

And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk
in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.

On the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us;
The figurehead
Was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man’s penis. </em>

Honestly, it doesn’t get any better than that. A quick search through <a href=”http://www.google.com/search?q=good+ship+venus&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7SUNA”>Google</a> will net a host of alternate versions, alternate verses and probably a few folk plying their trade in naughty verse at RenFaires around the globe.

So tip a flagon o’ grog and get yer pirate on!

© 2012 Brother Wolf & Sister Moon Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha